Where the hell am I?

What am I wearing?

And what’s that God-awful taste in my mouth?

Jesus, it’s putrid!

She smacks her lips together, pushing her tongue out of her mouth repeatedly, almost as if her tongue was an unwanted guest she was attempting to be rid of.

She rubs her eyes with vigor and confusion. She has yet to realize that she is lying flat on her back on the green, dew-filled grass, possibly filled with other “unknowns.” Springtime maybe? The trees are covered with opening buds; the echoes of nature fill the air, the scent of the earth and the new growth beneath it tickle the hair in her nostrils.

Her eyes widen as she takes in her surroundings. Her gaze trails up at the sky. She notices a rather large bird circling above her head. She begins to cover her face. It would be just her luck that the bird decides to lose its bowels all over her face while in mid-air.

She begins to lift her upper body off the ground; it protests her every move. She still wasn’t sure where she was or how she had even gotten there. Her head felt light, resembling the remnants of a night out spent binge-drinking…except she doesn’t recall going out the night before. She doesn’t recall…anything.

 Her mind is blank.

Except—no. Not completely.

She had a faint memory of a warm, soft hand caressing her face. She can still feel it— the weight of the hand, the brush of their fingertips. She’d held their wrist as they stroked her left cheek, slow and deliberate.

 Warmth. Comfort. Safety.

 But then those feelings of warmth begin to twist and curdle with fear. With anguish. With regret. She felt as though a light had been extinguished within her soul. That very thought made her eyebrows fold, questioning how one could even identify such a sensation. After all, the soul is not something you can physically feel…is it?

The pain of loss intrudes on her thoughts.

Suddenly, she couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t swallow. She felt her eyes bulging outside of her head, and her chest felt heavy as if a cinder block had dropped on it. She tried to move her arms, but they were pinned down. Her legs were the only limbs she could freely move. But they felt weak; she had been tirelessly flailing them as she was struggling to break free from whatever had a hold of her.

She shook her head violently, forcing her eyes open.

This memory felt so real.

 She placed her hands down where she sat. Grabbing a handful of the grass. It was a good reminder of where she was, even though she had no memory of anything else.

Then, like a flash of light, the memory returned, playing itself like a movie reel in the back of her eyelids. The same hands that stroked her cheek and brushed her brow were the same hands that were now tightly wrapped around her neck.

She was fighting. Kicking. Clawing.

And she was losing.

Adrenaline surged through her body and gave her the boost she needed to completely rise to her feet. She felt the grass beneath her. Was she barefooted? She didn’t care. She whipped her head back and forth, trying to decide which direction she should run to.

Then.

A light.

It was almost blinding. As she stood still in awe, she noticed people throwing frisbees at their dogs, playing hide and seek with their kids, and bathing in the sun on their beach-themed blankets. But the light was not in their path. She was the only one witnessing it.

Am I in heaven?

Possible.

As cliché as it seemed, she continued towards the light. She didn’t remember much, but she remembered one thing with absolute certainty: the world…it sucked.

If this light was heaven, she wouldn’t hesitate.

With a deep breath, staggering gait, and pounding heart, she took her first step forward.